I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
