i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
