What did we do last night that was yellow?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
