I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How's work?
Spinning.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
