Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
