sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
