my vag is so smooth its legendary
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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