he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
