just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
