So drunk its hurt
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration