He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
