We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
