D3 body, D1 cock
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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