I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
