Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
