You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
