All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
