just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
