It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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