My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
