lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
