Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
