Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
