last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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