But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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