the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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