The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize