Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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