I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
