i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
