Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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