I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
