I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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