Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
