i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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