First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
