i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
