awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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