Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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