I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think your dad took our porno
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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