literally had 100 drinks last night.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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