I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
