i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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