Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
