Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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