i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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