he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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