the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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