Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
