I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
