That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
