We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
