Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This baby is an asshole
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
