Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Shame - the story of my life.
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