Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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