a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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