He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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