Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
