I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
