I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Barsexuality is the new black.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
