Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
